Some people find it easy to make friends. They’re all really popular and have millions of friends. Unfortunately, I’m not one of those people. I don’t care about being popular but I wish I could make friends as easily as them. In the beginning of high school, it was really hard for me. A new class, with new people and teachers. It was a big transition. Lets just say my transition was not very smooth.
People change. Friends change as well. I saw a picture on Facebook of one of my friends from eighth grade. We used to be best friends, always giggling and talking and going over to each others houses. And then ninth grade came. We were in different classes and didn’t get to see each other much. For a few days, we met each other at lunch and talked. But soon she started making new friends. I am socially awkward and didn’t start making friends until much later but she’s not like me. She’s talkative and friendly and made friends easily. She wanted to hang out with them. I went along with them sometimes but I didn’t really know any them and felt like an outsider so I stopped doing that. We still see talk to each other at times. But its all awkward and not like before. We’re both struggling to find something to say. I want to say so much but I can’t find the words. She has a look of despair and guilt. I know she wants to go to her new friends. I try to smile at her to tell her its okay. She’s changed, I’ve changed. And things can’t go back to what it was like before. But it still fills me with an inexplicable sadness.
I always feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I don’t have a boyfriend so I don’t fit in with that group. And I honestly don’t want to listen to them talk about their boyfriend or their break up. I’m not a Directioner or a Biebeliever (how do you even spell that?) so that’s out for me too. I love reading and writing and I listen to indie bands that people probably haven’t heard of before. I’m weird. Sometimes I wonder, Where do I fit in?
The first few months of high school was awful. It was all feeling lonely and sad and coming home and crying to my mum about how I had no friends. But I started making friends, with awesome people like me. You know you’ve made a real friend when you can say stupid stuff and act crazy in front of them and they won’t look at you weirdly or run away. They will usually join in with you. A friend is someone with whom you can sit in absolute silence with them and not worry about talking all time to make like you or think you’re interesting. I know they care about me and I care about them.Sure, I wasn’t popular and I’m still awkward and shy but I have friends who care. And I’d rather have a few friends who care than a whole group who don’t.
I shudder to think what will happen if I have to change schools. It took me so long to get adjusted to this one and by the time I adjust to a new one, I’ll probably graduate. Everyone tells me that this is not a good attitude and I have to learn to communicate well and be social as its important later on in life. I understand that and I’m really trying. I talk to more people and try to not be shy and concentrate on being natural and being myself. I’m getting better, if I do say so myself.
This is for anyone who has ever felt shy or lonely or like a misfit and finds it hard to make friends. I know how you feel because I used to feel like that a lot too. I still do, sometimes. But like my mum says, you don’t have to worry about making friends or trying to make people like you. Just be yourself and people will automatically be your friend. And don’t worry about fitting in with the crowd, it’s always better to stand out. You’re unique, you’re awesome and you’re you.